Well, this evening my legs from about the knees down are all tingly.  I'm pretty sure this is because my back is all out of whack.  I have to stop sitting on my leg and foot all day at work.  It's obviously not good for me.  The only way to really make it go away is to lay down.  Oh well.  C'est la vie.  I suppose I could take an aspirin or something like a normal person, but I'm not really in pain, so it seems stupid.  It'll fix itself overnight. 

Our DVD player broke sometime between Friday night and Monday afternoon when I went to watch The Simpsons.  I haven't seen "Marge Gets a Job" for awhile and was really looking forward to Troy McClure telling me about the do's and do NOT dos of foundation repair, but it just wasn't meant to be.  I tried about 6 different DVD's and none will load.  They just spin around and around.  lol  Oh well.  I asked my mom for a DVD player for Christmas, so I think we'll live with no DVD's for a month or so.  I've got a huge VHS library and the old VCR is still going strong. 

I had a big problem with worry/jumpiness last night and ended up having  a couple panic attacks, which really sucked.  I haven't had them for such a long time.  It was a crummy reminder of how I used to live all the time. 

Rick Steeves is on.  I love this show!  lol  Rick is kind of a goober, but I love watching him travel all over Europe.  If I didn't have to fly, I'd totally go.  I think unless you are cargo on a barge, you're not really going by ocean anymore. 

I've been pretty good about reading the Bible every day.  It's making me feel much closer to God, which I suppose is pretty much the whole point.  lol  It's nice feeling like you are doing the right thing and you are getting a nod of approval.   

We are going to look at a duplex this weekend.  Of course, we'd only be renting half of it.  lol  It's a 2 bedroom, is a nice size, has a dining room, basement, attic, and off street parking.  I am very excited to go see it. 

I have to say, it's really quite boring sitting here night after night alone. I've been good about cooking and cleaning the last week, but tonight I didn't touch the dishes.  They will be there tomorrow.  And you know...Scott could always do them.  lol 

I'm so sleepy tonight!  I guess I haven't quite adjusted back to standard time...10:30 is most definitely feeling like 11:30 this evening. 

I tried to pick up the house this afternoon, and I'd like to think that I did a pretty fair job of it...however, since then, I've made dinner for my friend Kristin and I have eaten said dinner and now there's a whole new stack of dishes to wash.  Oh well.  At least the laundry stayed put away.  lol 

I find Total cereals to be sort of funny.  I mean, unless that's pretty much all you're eating all day long, do you really need 100% of all your vitamins and minerals?  I like to supplement breakfast with lunch and dinner later on in the day.  I'd like to think that those meals sort of balance things out so that you're getting proper nutrition from the food you are consuming.  I don't know, that's just my take on it.  lol 

I'm watching Leno right now and Mariah Carey looks like she's going to fall out of her dress. Yuck.  Bad choice.  What ever happened to modesty?  Or taste?  lol 

I've really been in the Christmas spirit this week...I know it's early.  The closer it tends to get to Christmas, the less enthused I am about it.  I guess I have this idea of how I'd like it to be in my mind.  Then reality kicks in, along with crowded stores, screaming kids, and grumpy shoppers.  It's easier to be happy about it before the madness begins.

These Ford commercials have been driving me nuts.  All have stupid stereotypical women on them that are dumb as bricks. 

I'll paraphrase a couple- "I'm too stupid to know when to change my oil, so my car tells me!"  (Yeah, it's a real bitch keeping track of 3000 miles...oh wait, I bet you can't even check your oil, let alone change it.  IN that case, it's tough looking at that sticker the service station puts right on your windshield that says when it's time to go back in...)

 "I love that the car charges itself while you're braking!"  Yeah, unless you're riding the brakes all day, I sincerely doubt you're getting much of anything out of that. 

"I love pink, so I keep my car lights on pink!"  *sighs*  well, I guess that's just more personal preference, but the other commercials are so stupid, I just want to smack this girl anyway.  lol 

Now, it's not like I'm some kind of gun-toting, hillbilly wife that can drop an engine and a tranny in a car.  I can't.  But I'm not completely helpless and stupid as to what my vehicle needs for maintenance, either.  I think if you invest so much into something that you rely so heavily on, you should at least have a basic understanding of it. 

I guess that finishes up that rant.  lol 

A guy is riding a unicycle and flipping a girl around on his shoulders at the same time.  I can't believe he hasn't dropped her or fallen off.  I guess that's why Circue de Soliel pays him the big bucks.  lol 


Have a good evening, everyone.   

I'm pleased to report that after a nerve wracking 30 minutes, I found out that my car has again passed inspection!  Yes!  High fives around the room.  I don't know why I get so worked up about it.  It's not like I'm driving the biggest hunk of crap in the world.  The Buick runs pretty well and is in good shape, overall.  I just don't like others scrutinizing my car, I guess.  lol 

A big THANK YOU to Adams Darling and Jeanie for welcoming me back!  I missed you guys, too.  I am glad to be back. 

Hubby and I went to a big fish dinner at the old Sugar Loaf school tonight.  It was delicious! Also a tad awkward as you were jammed together with a bunch of strangers, but after a few moments of uncomfortable silence, someone broke the ice and we all chatted and enjoyed ourselves.  They brought out quite a spread.  For 10 dollars you got all you could eat fried fish, potatoes, baked beans, pepper slaw, beets, corn, and bread.  There was either water or coffee to drink, and you could pick a piece of pie or a serving of ice cream for dessert.  It was delicious.  The bowls were passed around family style and a "waitress" kept the bowls full and took our pie orders at the end of the meal.  They seated by the table, so you'd buy your ticket and then wait outside till your number was called, then go in with a group of strangers.  lol   Hubby and I both decided it was more than worth the 45 minute wait.

 The inside of the old school is pretty neat.  It was originally built in 1887, but it's not the typical 1 room schoolhouse.  It's a rather large and rambling wooden building with big windows.  I'm not from this area originally, but I would guess the school probably closed in the 50's or 60's.  

Okay, I just spent about 30 minutes trying to find out when the school closed, and I can't.  lol 

At any rate, we're planning on having a quiet Sunday.  Right now we're watching football.  Two teams that I could care less out.  USC and Oregon.  And it looks like Oregon just got another touchdown.  Hubby is happy as he dislikes USC quite a lot.  I have no idea why.  lol 

We went to Big Lots tonight to look at recliners.  My mom and dad just bought a new one and it's really uncomfortable.  The three of us kids were thinking about buying them a better one. The ones there were pretty comfy.  Not like, "I'm in love with this chair" comfy, but comfy.  It was better than theirs. 

I got my cheap on this afternoon and bought some groceries at Dollar Tree.  lol  Now, granted, it's not as though I do a lot of my shopping there...but they have the Smart Ones breakfast sandwiches I like, which are 2.99 at Weis or Giant for only a buck.   Of course I'm going to buy them at Dollar Tree!   They also have big bags of frozen berries I use to make recipes with.  They are 2.50 for the generic bag (on sale) at Weis...or a dollar at Dollar Tree.  It's a tough choice.  lol  Anyway, I got a couple things for lunches there, too, as well as a few other odds and ends. 

Weis had a bunch of discounted meat today.  I was pretty stoked.  lol  I got a roasting chicken for about a 1.75 after they took a bunch off (I have it roasting in the crock pot- I'm going to pick the meat off and use it for chicken enchiladas for Monday night's dinner).  I also got some pre-made burgers for about two bucks.  Those went right in the freezer.  I got a bunch of chicken breasts for next to nothing, too.  Those got rinsed off and wrapped up and frozen.  Woohoo!  I love discounted meat.  lol 

On that note, I think I'll go to bed.  I'm sure if you didn't think I was crazy before, I'm sure it's sinking in now. 

                                                         Happy Halloween!!! 

I've been rather unmotivated tonight- which surprises me, because I anticipated coming home and getting busy around the house, but once here...my energy sort of fizzled out.  I did manage to make the casserole I was planning on cooking up, but other than that, whew.  I've done a whole lot of nothing tonight. 

I'm always disappointed in myself for not doing something, but on the other hand, I feel like I ought to be able to take a little time and relax when I get home.  I need a bit more balance.  lol 

I decided to read the Bible- a little each day, mind you.  I should probably start from the beginning or something, but I think I'm just going to go hodge-podge until the January 1st.  After that, I'm going to follow this "read the Bible in a year" program I found online.  We'll  see how that goes.    

Well, in true form of being unmotivated, I believe that's about all she wrote for tonight.  lol 

So, I think I'm going to give this a shot again.  After months of reading other people's blogs, I've discovered a few things. 

I'm not cheap enough for the frugal sites  (and I am cheap...I just don't paint toilet paper tubes and fill them with candy as Christmas presents...because that is ridiculous)

I'm not religious enough for the religious blogs

I don't have kids, so that leaves me out of the family blogs

I haven't limited my diet to nothing but whole unprocessed foods, so that leaves me out of that category...


Turns out, I'm just me...and nobody is really very much like that, except maybe my hubby.  lol  And I'm okay with that. 

So, I figured, since I don't really fit in completely with any of those blogs, I can combine the little bit of me in each of them, and just go back to saying whatever I feel like here. 

 

Look out world...here I come.   

I wish I thought of blogging when I'm in a great mood and have a lot of fun things to say.  Anymore, it seems like the only time I think of it is when I don't have anywhere else or anyone else to turn to.  And I suppose that's okay.  Everyone has to vent sometimes...I just don't want to give the world the impression that I'm this completely depressed and melodramatic individual.  Typically, I'm in a great mood and happy about everything.  Tonight, not so much.

So, I think this all started last week.  I'd been in a great mood for about a week and I had really been wanting to play the part of "perfect wife".  I get in these moods where it's so important to me to be that iconic 50's figure, always happy to be cooking and cleaning and just...that's what a good wife is, to me.  If you think that's ridiculous...well, I don't really care.  To me, that is perfection...that's who I want to be.  It just doesn't really happen.  I mean, I cook and I clean and stuff...but I don't take the time to plan and really make out a list and buy specific groceries...and when I'm feeling like this, that's all I want to do.  So, at any rate, for the past week or two, I've been doing this to a T and loving everything about it...how it makes me feel, how the fridge has good meals in it that are ready to eat, the kitchen is cleaned, the dishes are put away, etc.

Last night I got a phone call that really bothered me, and it completely put me out of this mood.  Now I'm just sitting around thinking about how I am NOT that perfect person, that great wife...and it's sad.  Cause it's like I was pretending all the time...but I really WANT to be this person.  Why can't I be this person all the time?  The want is there...I just get tired.  My husband doesn't really notice and I don't even mind that.  After all, it's my job and that's how it's just supposed to be.

I'm just really burned out at work.  Everyone has been in a crappy mood lately.  They are replacing one of our old programs, Filepro, with this new software...I guess it's a lot more time consuming and the developers won't even try to work with anyone.  So, they're basically taking an old system that works well and changing it into a new system that makes you work harder...  I've about had it.  I don't know if it's my mood this week, or if I'm actually ready to quit, but I'm just so sick of it there.  I go in angry every morning...the only time I'm glad is when I'm at home, and then I'm lonely once I get here cause I'm here by myself. 

Some days I feel so abandoned.  When Scott does come home, all he wants to do is just talk and talk and talk and talk about himself and his day and I'm always glad to listen, but it'd be nice if he asked me how I was once in awhile. I know he cares, but I feel as though he doesn't sometimes.  I don't even think that's it.  I just get mad cause he's thoughtless. 

So, I don't know what to do.  I'm at a loss.  We need my income.  I can't just walk out.  The car needs tires and front brakes.  The damn solenoid we just fixed last year has already started to wear.  On the way home from the camp it started shifting rough for the first time.  It hasn't done it again, but it's like the straw that's breaking the camel's back. 

I feel cornered and trapped.  I'm tired of it and am wearing down more rapidly.  I haven't had a good night's sleep in over 3 weeks.  I don't know why but I can't relax enough to get that great deep sleep that makes you feel rested.  I'm not tossing and turning, but I must not be getting that REM sleep, either. 

I"m afraid of everything, I get mad too often, and I am lonely.  Sounds like a great combination, doesn't it? 

I haven't been able to cry for quite awhile.  Not even when I'm alone.  I wish I could. I think it might help.  I just get emotionless when I try.  Like nothing's wrong at all...but then, it's not as though anything is right, either.  It just is. 

I'm waiting to start on another panic attack because of this.  I just don't allow myself to...

I should be sleeping...trying to catch up...

Boy, there's nothing like that computerized lady pretty much screaming "PLEASE TYPE YOUR MESSAGE IN THE BOX AND I'LL SAY IT!" to jolt you out of your sleepy mood. 

I realize that it's only Tuesday, but this week hasn't been going badly so far.  I got to hang out with my girlfriend Kristin on Monday and tonight I went out with my sister in law.  This still doesn't really make up for the lost time with my husband, but it sure beats hanging out by myself! 

I wish I had more energy.  It seems like when I get home from work I should be able to get all this stuff done.  When I actually get home, it's like I'll do one thing on my to do list, and then as soon as I sit down, that's pretty much the end of the whole thing. 

I have a couple friends who seem to be having a really hard time dealing with this winter.  I'm hoping for their sake, it will be over sooner than later.  I'm thinking about you three!!!    Cheer up, the snow will be gone in a few weeks. 


I think I'm going to bed really early tonight.  I've been sooo sleepy the past two days, and I guess I'm just not getting enough shuteye. 


I really love Bubble Words and Text Twirl on Facebook.  I'm pretty much addicted.  I'm not all that great...but I LOVE playing. 

Well, I had something started and then you hit one button and BAM.  It's gone.  lol  Oh well.  C'est la vie. 

Hubby and I went on a bit of a road trip this morning with some rather disappointing results.  We headed 100 miles or so due north to Salt Springs State Park.  When we got up there, we found that it's the only park in the state that isn't maintained by the state.  Basically, that meant there wasn't anyone really available to clear out the park.  We arrived to a very snowed in parking lot.  lol  We poked around for a few minutes, then got back in the car and headed for home.  Oh well.  Things like this happen.  At least it was a nice day for a ride! 


Anyone who knows me knows that I've never really wanted kids.  At all.  The past few weeks, all I can think about is if I"m making the right decision.  I'll be 30 in a couple months...I guess the clock is ticking.  A lot of my friends are having babies and they seem so content and happy.  It'd be nice to have someone that loves you unconditionally, but still.  It's a huge, no, vast undertaking.  I don't want to make any decisions lightly.  I suppose time will tell if this is just a phase or something I really want to think about.  I don't want to just jump on the bandwagon cause it's what my friends are all doing.  lol 


Work has been going pretty well as of late.  I've been reading some interesting books.  I am just starting one on the Johnstown Flood, which happened in 1889 and was a huge tragic event for the state of Pennsylvania...  I'm also reading a children's book from the 1880's called " The Girl's Handy Book".  It's for girls from about 10-15 or so and is very clever!  It's filled with neat projects, decoration ideas for holidays, all kinds of interesting things.  Very enjoyable reading. 

Hello.  Not a lot is happening in my world, but I just wanted to post something that makes me feel better when I'm sad...just in case anyone out there is a little sad themselves.  I know some of you might have already seen it, but here it is, anyway.   


Have a good day!

Happy New Year to all!  I hope you all enjoyed a safe and happy holiday season.  That being said, I am rather glad it's over.  lol 

Thank you, Jeanie, Sissy,and Francine.  Penney may be gone, but she will not ever be forgotten.  I'll care about her always.  Thank you for your kind words. 

My resolution for this year is a simple one that I'll hopefully be able to follow- drink more water.  Seems simple enough, right?   I thought so too and it's something that should help me out.  I'm hoping anyway.  It certainly won't hurt anything.  lol

Hubby is taking me out on a date this weekend.  I'm glad to be spending a little time with him.  I get lonely here every night by myself so I really look forward to the weekends when I know we'll be able to have a little time with each other.  Yay! 


My mom bought me the Twilight books for Christmas this year and I enjoy them quite a bit.  I'm almost finished with the 2nd one, New Moon, and it's been a good read so far, just really lonely and sad for poor Bella.  I haven't had much to do in the evenings, so I've been going through them pretty quickly. 

It seems like I used to have a lot more to talk about than just a few measly paragraphs...hmm.  Maybe I've gotten more boring in my old age.